#WVW 20 // Limits

Age limit. Speed limit. Spending limit. Blood alcohol limit. Tickets-you’re-allowed-to-buy-for-an-event limit (that people still manage to get around so that they can re-sell the ticket for 5x the price..I’m not bitter). There are plenty of limits that are good and are meant to be helpful and beneficial.

But when I think of the word ‘limit’, the fact that I immediately think of self-imposed, not-so-beneficial limits is pretty telling. “The sky’s the limit,” they say. “Don’t limit yourself.” For some reason, I never really take those things to heart. Why is it so difficult to believe? Because I don’t believe in myself? Because it’s easier to set limits and low expectations? Maybe I’m just really going for the ‘under-promise, over-deliver’ approach.

It’s easy to dream. I dream of one day starting a social enterprise and using it to empower, provide, and indirectly (or directly) spread the gospel. I dream of traveling the world, and living in a different city for a season in my life. I dream of being brave enough to cultivate and pursue my passions. People dream of marriage, of success, of living meaningful lives. But it’s much harder to have ambition – actually being determined and willing to put in the hard work that it takes. And this is where the self-limitation comes in. For example, my social entrepreneurial dreams would require potentially going back to school..but that would require a lot of hard work – and money. So I tell myself it’s unrealistic – I have too much debt from undergrad already, I’m not cut out for the business world, etc. But if I’m really honest with myself, it’s not unrealistic – I have the work ethic, a growing passion, and an awesome support system. But for whatever reason, I tell myself, “my life could never look like that.” And that’s how you end up stuck, complacent, and forever unsure of your true potential.

People who continuously have had limits put on them by others seem to be the people who believe that there are no limits. Maybe they come from poor or broken families, have disabilities, didn’t have access to education, or whatever the case may be. They’re the ones that tend to defy the odds. The people that relentlessly work to push past these ‘limits’ because perhaps to them, they’re not limits, just obstacles. And they prove people wrong. It’s the classic underdog story we all root for. And yet for me, coming from a privileged background, I let fear, comfort, and sometimes downright laziness limit my pursuit of certain paths in life.

I believe sometimes we set limits on ourselves as a defense mechanism. We always believe that we have something to lose. Sure, we may lose things like money, time, reputation, relationships..but is saving these things worth lost opportunities, callings, and a sometimes greater reward? A question perhaps I need to ask myself more often.

I’m not saying to go be reckless and irresponsible. Or maybe I am, and saying I’m not is just another way I’m setting limits as a shelter. Or is this one of those limits that’s good and beneficial? Am I over thinking this? (Welcome to the type of internal debate that happens in my mind all the time.)

Maybe in 2016 I can begin chipping away at those limits that don’t need to be there. Something tells me that there’s a lot more for me beyond those limits, and maybe one day I’ll look back and wonder why I ever placed them there in the first place.


 

#WVW from friends:
Brian // Xing // Jenine // Josh // Judy // Esther // Justin // Hnou

If you’re new to my blog, #WVW (Word Vomit Wednesday) is a fun little weekly challenge my friend Brian and I started to encourage more consistent and authentic writing. The point is to write down, or word vomit, whatever comes to mind, with lots of vulnerability along the way. Many have joined in on the fun, and you should too! 🙂

#WVW 19 // A choice…

Sorry that this is technically Word Vomit Thursday!

This week, my topic is “one choice that changed everything for you.”

In an attempt to not be too cliché and preachy, I was trying to think of something different than what I’m about to write..but if I’m honest with myself, the most important decision I have ever made that has really, honestly, changed the entire course of my life was the decision to follow Jesus. So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to share a bit of my testimony with you all.

 

I think of this one choice in two parts, or two occurrences.

The first was at a retreat when I was in 6th grade. About a year or so prior, my best friend Michelle had begun attending a Christian youth group, and had eventually invited me because we literally did everything together. I would go with her every now and then, mostly because it was fun and the people were cool. It was a social thing for me, and perhaps even an escape from the reality I was facing at home – my mom had just recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease..at 44 years old. It was a tumultuous year indeed, and this whole church thing seemed to be doing me some good. Continue reading “#WVW 19 // A choice…”

#WVW 18 // A vivid memory

I’ve spent the last hour and a half racking my brain about my topic: “Your most vivid memory and why.”

I feel like I have plenty of vivid memories. Not all that I want to talk about though..some are too embarrassing, some are too heavy, and some a little too cliché..

This week, I decided I wanted to write a fun post. Was just kind of in a fun mood I suppose. Perhaps thats why I gave Brian the prompt “tell me a story”..and I guess I’m going to do the same, in a sense.

A lot of the memories that started coming to mind were memories from preschool.

Continue reading “#WVW 18 // A vivid memory”

#WVW 17 // Changes

2015 was a strange year. It felt incredibly short, and at times it felt like I hadn’t really accomplished much.

2015 had big shoes to fill..because 2014 was an amazing year. But looking back, 2015 was quite the year as well – I graduated college, started my first full-time job, was a team leader for the Jubilee Project fellowship, bought a car all on my own, worked on a few short films, and spent a week in St. Louis for Urbana missions conference. Oh, and started blogging. 🙂

But 2015 was also a tough year in ways I hadn’t experienced before – I grappled with the loneliness that comes with adjusting back to normal life after study abroad, embarked on an (extremely) emotionally draining project dealing with my family’s Alzheimer’s experience, carried the weight of post-grad expectations, broke down when they weren’t met, and had a bit of an identity crisis.

Lots of laughs, lots of good times and celebrations, but I will admit – a lot of tears. A lot of defeat. And a lot of darkness. So through all of these experiences..what was the biggest change(s) I saw in myself this past year?

Continue reading “#WVW 17 // Changes”